When Kathleen Mary gave her daughter’s eulogy she hoped it would help just one person. But since posting a note on Facebook with the words written down, it’s probably helped way more than just one.
Kathleen’s daughter Kelsey died recently from an accidental overdose. She was 23 and a recovering heroin addict. The last 10 months of her life had been spent at various rehab clinics, where her progress eventually saw her regain custody of her son.
But, in Kathleen’s words, “the demon was still there”.
The eulogy, and a previously published obituary, have been shared so many times probably because of the way it humanises addiction. Kathleen understood completely why her daughter felt the need to use heroin – it was an escape, a way to fill a void, a fix for how she felt.
“Her reality was that with those sparkling eyes, she never saw what the rest of us saw. She looked in her own distorted mirror and this is what her reflection displayed; and these are her own words: ‘I am someone who is determined, insecure, emotional, neurotic, shameful, cunning, angry and honest. I am everything but simple. I hate being alone yet am addicted to the feeling of sorrow and depression. I am a person who is too insecure to be loved and terrified to be broken. I am hard on the outside but an emotional train wreck deep within the heart,’” she wrote on Facebook.
“Her addiction told her she wasn’t worthy or deserving. She turned to drugs to make her feel normal like everyone else. Heroin told her I can make you feel accepted, I can make you feel alright, I can make you feel worthy, I can make you feel normal, I can make you feel loved, I can make you feel nothing and make you feel like everything will be ok.
Source: Irish Examiner, 14/04/16
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